Undisclosed Desires
by spencergaystings
Summary: He doesn't know what it is about her, but she just makes him feel comfortable. She seems quite fond of him too, you know. Even if he won't talk to her. (Short fic, AU.)
1. Chapter 1

Hey hey hey! This is a very short story based on a prompt I received a few days ago and I liked a lot to ignore. :3 Remember, this is pure fluff (well kinda)! It's AU and kind of OOC, so beware :3

Enjoy! xx

* * *

_Soothing_

_I'll make you feel pure_

_Trust me_

_You can be sure._

__He's a quiet boy. He's pretty sure no one in the small Rosewood High has ever heard his voice - well, no one but his few friends and his little sister, Hanna. He doesn't have a lot of friends, really. He's not what you'd call "sociable". People think he's shy, but that's not the entire reason. Since he was a child, he's had panic attacks. Like, if he's forced into talking to someone he doesn't know or he feels out of his comfort zone, this pain and panic will rise from his throat and take over his body, and he'll just flip. It's happened a lot, so he doesn't talk. He's quiet, and everyone respects that, (well, it's not like they have much choice.)

Toby's teachers are never forcing him to talk or to answer to any of their questions, they don't invade his personal space and respect his boundaries. They don't make people sit beside him, he has a whole row just for him, and that doesn't bother him.

Toby Cavanaugh has suffered from anxiety and panic attacks since he was a child, and that hasn't changed when he became more aware of his age and the problem he's grown so used to.

Right now, he's sitting quietly in his assigned seat in his English class, only half-listening to whatever Mrs. Montgomery is talking about. She's talking about something William Shakespeare related when there's a knock on the door.

When the door opens, the prettiest girl Toby has ever seen in his 17 years appears, and he looks down when she catches his eye. It's the new girl, Spencer Hastings. Everyone was waiting for Peter Hastings' daughter to finally arrive from New York, where she lived with her mother and sister. In a small town like Rosewood, everyone knew everyone else's business, so don't mind Toby knowing all this information about the mocha eyed girl. She talks to Mrs. Montgomery, and he's not at all surprised when the teacher catches his eye in a silent question. There's no other seat for the girl, only the one beside him. He shrugs and Mrs. Montgomery smiles meekly at him, nodding at Spencer to take the seat beside him.

He feels the all-too-familiar feeling rising from his throat, but doesn't say anything. He takes a deep breath and looks down at his book, deciding to ignore the feeling and try to control himself.

"Hi," he hears, and he really wishes he could answer, but he can't. Not when the feeling threatening to take over his body is too fresh on his throat.

He looks at her, and nods once. It's not the same as talking to her, but at least she won't think he's rude. She studies her face for a bit, and then says, "I'm Spencer."

Toby wants to answer, he wants to tell her his name and that he finds her really pretty, but he doesn't. Instead, he lets his eyes fall back to the book in front of him, and he hears her sigh. He wonders if he hurt her feelings, but then decides that if he did, it's better that way. It doesn't matter that Toby can smell the strawberry scent from her hair, and it doesn't matter that her eyes reminds Toby of chocolate, he could never be her friend.

Trying not to let that upset him, he tries to focus on the textbook, but soon enough he's distracted by a piece of paper being falling in front of his eyes. Widening his eyes, he realizes it's a note from the girl by his side.

She was trying to communicate.

Unfolding the paper, he read,

_Is this easier for you? _

Looking at the paper for a moment, he grabs his pencil and writes back;

_Yeah, it is. Thank you. I'm Toby._

He slips the paper back to her, and he can't help but grin at the smirk that appears on her face.

_Well Toby, would you mind being my partner for this assignment? I'm the new girl and I'm not sure people would make a line to work with me - would you take pity on me and perhaps help this poor soul?_

Toby looks at her for a moment, the feeling in his gut leaving. He doesn't understand why, but he feels calm in her presence. He studies her patient face a bit more, and nods.

"Yeah." He answers quietly, and he's quite surprised he could muster up the courage to talk to her. He's never been able to do it before, and he doesn't know why he can't do that to her. Mrs. Montgomery notices them talking and exchanging notes, but she doesn't say anything. Instead, she smiles softly at the couple.

* * *

When the bell rings, Spencer has left him smiling softly and walks away, paper in hands, trying to figure out which way is her next class. He would've followed her and helped her, but he wasn't sure he could exaggerate on the new feeling in his gut. Instead, he opts to meet his best friend, Caleb in front of the room, as usual. Caleb, his sister's boyfriend, or the others, would always meet him between classes and make him company, knowing all too well what could happen if someone stepped too close or talked too loud next to him.

Toby didn't mind, really, but sometimes he just wanted the sense of normality in his life.

"Hey, man." Caleb greeted as usual, patting Toby's back. The blue-eyed boy just nodded, not used to talk a lot in school. Caleb smiled and made a gesture for them to begin to walk.

Toby wanted to talk to Caleb, wanted to tell him about Spencer, but he couldn't muster the courage to say anything. Instead, he only listened to Caleb's story about how he got involved into following Emily, Hanna and Aria to another shopping trip to Philly.

Chuckling silently at the miserable tone Caleb was sporting, they finally made their ways to the History class. Sitting beside one another, they fell into silence quickly.

It wasn't weird nor awkward, really. Caleb had been around enough to be used to the silence of his best friend in school. Even though the boy still didn't open up a lot at home or when they were hanging out outside of the prison (school), he got used to having a silent best friend.

The bell signaling it was lunch time soon rang, and Caleb almost cried in happiness. Rolling his eyes and smiling at his best friend, Toby followed him to the cafeteria. The two boys made their ways to the usual table, but Toby stopped short. He noticed that there was a new figure sitting on the seat next to the one he usually chose, and he felt his eyes widening in fear. Hanna, noticing her brother's discomfort, smiled, trying to comfort the boy.

"Tobs, this is Spencer... You two have English together, right? You don't mind her sitting here with us?" Hanna asked quickly, and Toby felt the fear giving space to the unknown feeling in his gut that he learned he felt every time he was near or thought about Spencer.

Shaking his head, Toby managed to give Spencer a small smile as she sat on the seat next to hers. The brunette smiled right back.

"_Sooo," _Hanna dragged the word out, leaning in, and Toby just knew he was about to seek for gossip from the new girl, "How are you liking Rosewood so far? It's different from New York, I can only imagine." Spencer nodded, and Toby looked at her with interest.

"I'm liking it. People here are nice and they treat me well." She smiled, "It's great to be living with my dad for a change, he's a lot better than my mom," She sighed, and he noticed that she talked about her dad with certain fondness, as if he was her favorite person in the world. He smiled, and Hanna smiled as well.

Soon enough, the other three chairs that were available were being occupied by the three other people that Toby let himself be comfortable with. Aria, Ezra and Emily all sat there, only after Emily and Aria looked at Spencer and then at Toby in doubt, but when he smiled and showed he was comfortable, they were allowed to sat back and relax. They all shared friendly smiles and waited for Hanna to introduce them.

"Spencer, these are Aria Montgomery, Ezra Fitz and Emily Fields." she said, pointing at each one, and they offered friendly smiles to the girl.

After that, they fell into easy conversation and Toby liked how Spencer felt as if she had always been in the group. Noticing that Ezra was looking at him with an amused expression, he made a serious expression and looked down, picking the Apple juice bottle Hanna had grabbed for him earlier.

Soon, maybe a bit too soon for his liking, the bell signaling the end of the lunch rang, and they all stood up, and were about to part ways, not before Hanna squealed.

"Oh, God! Spencer!" she exclaimed, and the group looked at the blonde curiously, "Uh... we use to have dinner every friday with my parents... We as in us... And I was wondering, if it's okay with you and since Toby looks comfortable with you near... I don't know, if you wanted to join us?" Hanna invited nervously, shifting eyes between Spencer and Toby.

Toby didn't know how he felt about that. Definitely not upset, since he did like the girl. He wasn't upset nor afraid, because as he said before, he felt at ease with Spencer. He felt perhaps excited about the thought of having the mocha eyed brunette in his house?

Spencer studied his expression for a minute, as if trying to read his thoughts, and he looked down, blushing. He breathed deeply and tried to control the shakes of embarrassment that he knew were about to come.

As soon as he had his emotions in check, he looked up again and noticed that Spencer was still looking at him curiously. He just smiled and Spencer smiled back.

Looking at Hanna, who was watching their actions with a certain glint he couldn't figure out in her eyes, Spencer nodded, "I would love to."

Hanna squealed, "Great!" She hugged the girl, who looked a bit taken back by the sudden display of affection, but laughed it off. Toby smiled, that was just how Hanna was. "Tobs, can you wait for Spencer's last class and give her a ride? She said her dad was the one who dropped her off, so she doesn't have a ride." Hanna said quietly, only for Toby to hear, and Toby nodded, feeling the almost-familiar feel make its way towards his throat yet again.

He wasn't nervous though. He was excited.

He couldn't wait for the last period.

* * *

Reviews make me so happy and comfortable. Almost as much as Spencer makes Toby feel happy and comfortable.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you so much for the kind reviews! I'm glad you liked it so far, and I hope you won't be too disappointed in me. :3

* * *

_I know you suffered,_

_But I don't want you to hide._

_It's cold and loveless,_

_I won't let you be denied._

"Really, Toby. I mean, of course I'm happy you're comfortable with someone new, I mean that's awesome, right? It doesn't happen a lot, since I've known you for what? 8 years? 10?" Aria rambled, and Toby wondered if she was nervous about leaving him alone with Spencer or if she had a bit too much coffee, "But like, I've never seen you so comfortable with someone new before! It's unnerving, I feel like you're gonna... I don't know, pass out or something?" She frowned, and Toby gave her a pointed look, she widened her eyes, "Oh my gosh! So what I didn't mean. I meant like..." she looked for words, and Toby wondered what was taking Spencer so long.

Toby was making his way towards Spencer's last class of the day - which was gym, when Aria stopped him in the hallways and demanded she was going with him. Not having much choice, he let her tag along. Bad choice, though. The tiny girl suddenly became very annoying to be around.

She sighed, and Toby would've laughed if he wasn't a pile of nerves, "Toby, what I'm saying is that we're a bit nervous about all this. Are you sure you gonna be okay? I'm going to leave with Ezra and Emily, so I can't tag along the ride back home as well - and I'm guessing by your face that you wouldn't want me to, right?" Toby shook his head and she smiled tightly.

"Right."

Toby sighed, and mustering up the courage to assure his best friend, he opened his mouth to say something, only to close it again when he saw the brunette coming their way with a soft smile on her face. Toby widened his eyes and the feeling in his gut he was getting familiar with came rushing in. Looking around, Aria saw the reason for his expression and smiled back.

"Hey, Spencer." Aria greeted and Spencer smiled at her.

"Oh, hey." She answered, and then her eyes travelled towards his face. His soft baby blues looked back, and they smiled sweetly at each other. Aria felt like she was intruding, so she just cleaned her throat and they both looked at her.

"Uh, Ezra and Em are probably waiting for me... So... Yeah. See you there." She nodded at them, sending Toby a worried glance and then making her way towards the building they had just left.

"So." Spencer stated looking at him from the corner of her eye. Toby, who was still watching as the petite frame that is his best friend walking away to meet her boyfriend and best friend, looked back at the mocha eyed girl.

He just smiled, knowing all too well he couldn't push his luck. Spencer seemed satisfied with only that, and made a motion to his arm and then to her own. Figuring out what she meant, Toby took a deep breath and linked his arm with her own.

The feeling that the touch of their arms gave him was unfamiliar - he never felt that way when he had his arm linked with Emily, Hanna or Aria's. It was weird, but good. It was as if a spark had suddenly started where their arms touched.

"Shall we?" Spencer smiled and Toby nodded, leading her to his car.

* * *

"Your house is lovely, Toby." Spencer smiled softly, and Toby smiled back. He had been actually nervous about what exactly Spencer would think about his home - the only place where he could be himself.

Leaving the car, they made their ways towards the front door, which Toby simply opened and led her in, putting his hand on her small back.

"Mom? Dad?" Toby called out, and Spencer smiled at the sound of his voice.

She didn't know him that well nor she knew why he never talked, but she figured it must be something serious. It was nice that he felt comfortable enough with his family - and a small part of her was pleased that he felt comfortable enough next to her.

"Toby!" They turned around to see a red-haired woman who looked about 38 come into the room, a big smile on her face. She walked over them, and inched up to kiss her son's cheek. "How was your day?" She asked, and before Toby could answer, she set her blue eyes on Spencer, "Oh! You must be Spencer! The girls told me you were coming over," she smiled sweetly and Spencer could see the things she wasn't saying - _thank you for accepting my son -_ "I'm Ashley Marin, pleased to meet you." She hugged Spencer, and she hugged the woman back.

She could see where Hanna got the passion from. "I'm Spencer Hastings, and it's great to meet you, Mrs Marin." She smiled sweetly.

"Oh dear, Mrs. Marin is my mother-in-law. Call me Ashley." She winked, "And since you're at it, you might want to call my husband Tom. Just giving you a tip, he doesn't like being mistaken by his father." She laughed, and Spencer wasn't sure if she should just nod or laugh, so she just opted for a tiny smile.

Sensing her confusion, Toby squeezed her hand, and she smiled gratefully. Following Toby's mom - er, Ashley - towards the kitchen, she smiled at the scene in front of her.

Hanna and the man she assumed was hers and Toby's father - er, Tom, - were having a small towel fight, while Aria, Ezra, Emily and Caleb all sat around the big dinner table, and Spencer couldn't help but notice that there was an extra chair for her. As if noting her stare, Toby said quietly, "That seat has always been empty. It's refreshing knowing someone might be occupying it." He smiled softly, and she blushed.

"Finally!" Hanna exclaimed when she saw her brother and her new friend walking behind her mother. Noticing the linked hands, she grinned.

"Hey, you must be Spencer." The blonde man greeted. She couldn't help but notice that his eyes were the same shade of blue as Toby's. "I'm Tom Marin, and you _must _call me by my first name." He gave her a fake threatening look. She laughed and shook his hand.

"Calm down, Tom. I already filled Spencer in the necessities of this family." Ashley laughed, and smiled warmly and Spencer. "She's the daughter of Peter."

"Oh! I didn't know that!" Looking at the other teenagers sitting in their kitchen, he smirked, "You kids did well. A new friend whose father happens to be a lawyer? Awesome!" He laughed, and the others laughed with him. Spencer felt her cheeks burning, and then she felt Toby smiling at her. "I'm just kidding, Spencer. These kids are alright. The wildest thing they've done so far is set my kitchen on fire in a sad attempt of Aria's to cook her home-made pizza without her parent's supervision last summer."

When Aria was about to protest, Ezra piped in, "Aw, come on. We thought we already let this behind us?"

"I'm still paying for the damage, kid." He said in a serious tone, but by his expression, they all could see it was only teasing. Aria stuck her tongue out at him, making everyone laugh.

"Okay, okay. Let's try to look normal for our visit. Spencer might just warm up with us and stick around if we don't scare her off so soon." Emily smiled warmly at Spencer.

"Afraid she'll see your true colors, Fields?" Caleb teased, and Emily rolled her eyes at him.

"You wish, Rivers. I'm just saying she might not be too interested in hanging around a hacker." she shot back, and he feigned offense.

"No need to be rude, Pocahontas."

Toby was definitely embarrassed by his friends, but with a look at an amused Spencer, he smiled. "I'm not as intolerant as you'd think," Spencer finally said, "I'm not my mother. Nor my sister, for that matter. And I thank heavens for that." She smiled and everyone looked at her with curious eyes, but decided not to say anything. embarrassing relatives were a talk for second get together, not the first ones.

When the dinner was served, they all made "meeting Spencer" the top necessity, and they were all pleased to know that she was more like the playful Peter Hastings everyone knew and adored. Toby was getting more and more comfortable next to her, and he loved that she always glanced at him and smiled shyly when she noticed him looking. When dinner was over, everyone dispersed, and Spencer offered to help Ashley with the kitchen, but the red-haired girl just shook her head, "No, go spend some time with Toby, dear." She smiled sweetly, and she could see that the woman really did love and care about her son. She noticed over dinner that everyone had a deep adoration in their eyes when they talked to Toby, as if he was the most special human being to walk on Earth, and Spencer was growing more and more convinced that he was, in fact.

Feeling a pair of eyes on her, she looked around and saw Toby on a hallway, nodding for her to follow him. She quickly made her way to his side, and he held her hand, in a sudden wave of bravery.

He led her to the music room, where he sat on the big black piano that sat there, and she smiled sweetly when he patted the seat next to his on the bench. Sitting down next to him, she smiled warmly. He wasn't satisfied, though. When she sat down, she made sure she didn't seat far too close to him, afraid she might be pushing his boundaries she had grown aware of. Toby simply sat closer to her, and smiled when she shivered at his closeness.

Nodding towards the piano, Spencer requested him to play something to her.

Watching Toby play, she saw that he felt such at ease playing on the piano, as if it was the only thing that he did that completely calmed him and made him feel exactly like everyone else. She smiled softly at his closed eyes, as if he was concentrating deeply on the task at hand.

Looking around the room for a piece of paper, she wrote down what she thought, just as the song was coming to an end.

When he opened his eyes, he felt a piece of paper being tucked into his hand. Unfolding it with a small smile, he read it:

_This was beautiful, Toby_. _You're really talented._

Smiling back at her, he folded the paper and took her hand in his, bringing her knuckles next to his face, he kissed softly the skin there. Spencer understood that this was his way of saying 'thank you'.

She grinned.

The two were so engrossed on each other, that they didn't notice the other three members of the Marin family watching them from the doorway with smiles on their faces.

Ashley might have wept a bit, but she couldn't help it. Toby had _never _played for someone else besides his closest friends and his family, yet here he was, playing for this girl he met only today!

"Spencer is going to be a special piece in his life," Hanna whispered, so only the other two could hear. Ashley nodded and Tom smiled, "I can feel it."

* * *

Just thought I could post a little something before I go to sleep! Thanks for the feedback, I really appreciate it! :3

Reviews?


	3. Chapter 3

Here's a little something for you! :)

Thank you for the feedback, it's much appreciated! :3

* * *

Things had been slightly better since Toby and Spencer met. Let's just say Toby wasn't so nervous about public relationships anymore, and that Spencer was growing fonder of the blue-eyed boy.

"You know, kiddo, you've been spending a lot of time at the Marin's," her father commented after sipping his drink. She could feel his eyes on her, but she didn't look up from her math work.

"Yeah? I didn't even notice," She shrugged off, and she could see her father eyeing her, as if he knew something was up.

"I mean, I think it's cool that you have new friends and all… But uh, I was wondering about you and their boy," Her father cut to the chase. Spencer couldn't even pretend she wasn't paying attention to him, because as soon as he implied she had something with Toby, she started blushing. "Oh, that's definitely something." Her father teased.

She rolled her eyes and looked at him from under her eyelashes, "You know, dad? I'm pretty tired right now… Uh, I'm going to call it a night, okay?" She said, standing up and gathering her school stuff.

"What? Hey, it's 7pm on a Friday night, for God's sake! Don't you have like a party or something to get to? Should I be worried?" He asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

Sometimes Spencer forgot his father had never really took care of a teenager, since her mom had left him when she and Melissa were at a really young age, and since they only visited him on the summers, he never really got the chance to get used to it.

Also, Melissa had stopped coming to Rosewood since she reached her 14 years, unlike Spencer, who never passed the opportunity to see her father.

She knew she shouldn't have her favorites, but her father was definitely hers. Her mom never really paid much attention to her, always having Melissa as her target of affection. Spencer was more like a waste of space in that house, so as soon as she could, she called her father and asked if she could live with him. He was excited, to say the least. He and Spencer and a great relationship, and he always missed her on the tennis field or when he did his jogs around the neighborhood every morning.

Smiling softly at her father, Spencer shook her head, "No, dad. I don't have a party, nor you should be worried. I have a load of homework to take care of, so I'm just going to my room to finish it." She leaned down and kissed his forehead, "Goodnight, daddy."

He smiled softly at her, "Goodnight, kiddo."

Xx

At the Marins house, on the other side of the town, Toby laid on his bed with the music playing loudly on his ears. He stared at the ceiling, and couldn't help the thoughts of certain mocha eyed beauty from invade his mind.

Ever since he met her, he found himself thinking more and more about her. He felt more comfortable and happy than he has ever felt before, and his friends and family could sense it. Hell, even his teachers could. Aria had said she was happy for him, Emily echoing her words. Ezra and Caleb had simply smiled at him, and Hanna squealed every time she caught Toby watching Spencer with the small smiled he had grown so accustomed of by now.

Spencer understood him like no one else ever did – she never pushed him to talk to her, she smiled when he said the most simple word, she always brought with her a notebook and a pen, she didn't push his boundaries nor invaded his personal space. He loved it about her.

Hell, he loved _her._

And he couldn't help the smile from growing at the simple thought of her smile. He just felt so at home and so comfortable with her, it was crazy. It was unnerving and awesome and just so damn _good. _He had never felt this way before!

With all the sweet thoughts surrounding his head, he fell into sleep.

_He was in a very dark place. He couldn't recognize the room he was in, nor the place this room belonged to. He looked around, but the place was empty. The only think that stared back at him was his own reflection in the big mirror that stood there in front of him. Taking a few steps towards the mirror, he could see the image changing. Suddenly, mocha stared into turquoise. Spencer stood there, her rosy lips and angelic face smiling at him. When he was about to smile back, her smile went away, giving place to a frown. Tears started to fall down her face, and he frowned at that image. He didn't like it. He didn't like it one bit._

_"Spencer? What's wrong?" He didn't know where his courage came from, but he was now taking more and more steps towards her. The more steps he took, though, the more steps she was away from him. Coming to a stop, Toby frowned at the image that started unwrapping itself in front of him. _

_From Spencer's arms, neck, chest, face, blood started dripping. He didn't know what happened, but Spencer was all bloody and hurt in front of him. Her beautiful smile had given place to a hurt expression, and her beautiful face was paler than usual. _

_"Toby!" She had exclaimed, and just when Toby had reached for her, she threw herself back, hitting the mirror and breaking it with the force of her body. Blood all over, Toby stared in shock at the scene in front of him._

_There, in the dirty floor of the dark room, laid a lifeless Spencer Hastings._

Waking up panting and trying to control the lump in his throat, Toby sat up. Taking a moment to control his breath and trying to fight back the attack he knew was coming, he stood up from his bed and made his way towards the computer, knowing all too well he couldn't go back to sleep now. Maybe he had to talk to his father and they could induce him back to his medications, but that would have to wait until morning. A quick glance to the clock told him it was just past midnight and he had class tomorrow morning. He didn't feel at all tired though, the dream had a very strong impact on him.

Just as he turned on his computer, it made a sound, showing him a notification for a new e-mail. Clicking on it, he smiled at the name that popped up.

_"Hey, Toby. I just wanted to say that I think you're a great guy. I like you a lot, and I hope you know it. I wanted to thank you for being so welcoming of me into your group of friends, and you don't know how glad I am that you feel comfortable enough around me. I simply adore you. Anyway, I just wanted to make sure you are okay. I hope you don't be too upset, but Hanna told me about your nightmares and well… I just wanted to assure you that everything's okay, and you don't have to worry about anything. If you're reading this, it's because you had a bad dream and well, I want you to concentrate in this: go back to your bed, close your eyes, take deep breaths, and pretend I'm there with you, holding your hand. You have to know you're fine, Toby. You're okay. But, if you're reading this by the morning, it means that you got to sleep through, and you have to know that I'm glad you did. You're a great, great guy, Toby._

_Anyway, I hope this didn't sound too awkward to you. I can't really control myself, though. I just really, really, really care about you. _

_Goodnight,_

_Spencer x"_

He couldn't help but smile at the exaggerated use of the word "really", and at the fact that she actually took her time to write him that. He felt warm and finally comfortable. He went back to his bed and imagine just what she had told him to: he was in his bed, safe, comfortable, and she was there, too. She was holding his hand and caressing his hair.

He fell asleep quickly after that, and the rest of the night was spent with a dreamless sleep and a soft smile on Toby's face.

* * *

Do I deserve some reviews? Please, tell me what you think. I think I'll have something up tomorrow, so watch out for a new chapter! :)


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry for taking so long to write these, it's just that I have the ideas but it's hard for me to put into words sometimes. Even when I'm writing and have this whole idea in my head, I finish the chapter and I'm like "whoa, didn't see that coming.", so I always get kind of sidetracked while writing a story, for that I apologize.

On to the chapter now!

Disclaimer: I don't own Pretty Little Liars :(

* * *

Spencer and Toby don't talk about the e-mail. They keep it as something sacred, just for the two of them. As if only talking about it, even if between the two of them, would make the whole magic of the e-mail and the soothing words go away. So when the two of them meet at the school hallways the next morning, Toby only takes her hand and squeezes it in gratitude. For the people who passed by them and saw the exchange, they would think it was a friendly gesture, normal. But not for them - Spencer knew how hard it must have been for Toby, how unlikely of him it was to exchange touches and lingering looks. So she smiled softly at him, and squeezed his hand back.

Walking side by side to their only class together, they didn't exchange not another glance. They kept their hands clasped together, and ignored the looks. Spencer knew that if it were any other day, Toby would be overwhelmed by the looks they were getting, but she knew he was at ease today, so she let herself put her guards down and just live the moment like he was doing.

Entering the classroom, Ella smiled at them and motioned for them to sit. Spencer quickly slipped a paper and a pencil out of her bag and began writing something down, only to have Toby to stop her with his hand and smiling sweetly.

"I-" he stopped, taking a deep breath and trying to control his nerves. _You can do this._ "I have to go to the hospital with my dad today." he said quietly, and Spencer felt her eyebrows furrowing. Normally, every time she heard his voice she would have a big smile on her face, but listening to this confession, she couldn't help but worry.

"What happened? Are you alright?" She began do panic. Toby smiled reassuringly.

"I am." Taking another deep breath, he went on, "I want to try the medication again." He was sure Hanna or the others would have filled Spencer in, hopefully not in every detail - there were some things he didn't want Spencer to know. Like the side effects the medicine he tried when he was 15 had given him. She didn't need to know that about his past, the darkness that was still very much present in his life.

Nodding, Spencer smiled, "I hope you get it right this time, Toby."

He smiled back, and then he felt nervous about what he was about to say, "I- I was wondering..." he cleared his throat, and when Spencer smiled and made a gesture for him to go on, he tried again, "I was wondering if you wanted to come with me? I feel...better when I'm with you." He confessed softly that Spencer almost didn't hear it. She could be tearing up right now and have a big smile on her face, making her look silly, but she didn't care. Toby wanted her to tag along.

When she noticed her silence was longer than she thought it was and that Toby began shuffling on his seat uncomfortably, she smiled and nodded, "Yes, Toby. I would love to."

He smiled widely and grabbed her hand. Squeezing it, he began drawing patterns with his thumb, smiling softly for the rest of the class.

* * *

"Good afternoon, Mr. Marin," a man dressed in scrubs and words laced with a british accent greeted the old man in the room, shaking his hand and throwing a charming half-smile. Spencer would give him 25, 26 years tops. "This must be Toby," he said, taking notice of the blue-eyed teenager while he sat on his seat in front of them on the other side of the desk, smiling warmly, "I'm Dr. Kingston, but you can call me Wren. I'm assuming we'll have to interact quite a bit in the next couple months, so why don't we get ride of the formalities while we're at it?"

Toby smiled back, and shook the hand he was offering. Wren turned his head and noticed the brunette that sat still and kept a hand on Toby's knee the entire time he had been in the room. "Are you family?" he asked curiously.

"Oh, no, no! I'm Toby's...friend." she didn't know what she was, to be honest. Hanna said the acted like a couple almost the entire time they were together, and Spencer felt like they were more than friends, to be honest. But they didn't make anything official yet, so she didn't know how to address herself as. Toby smiled softly at her and Wren nodded.

"Well, let's get this started, shall we?" He asked, smiling again.

For the next 30 minutes, Spencer watched as Wren asked Toby questions that he struggled with answering, and as Tom answered and asked his own questions. Spencer felt the urge to ask some of her own questions to Wren, but figured it was something she could to privately, not wanting to seem like she was imposing herself on the matter.

When they were leaving the room, Spencer faked forgetting her phone on the room, and excused herself from the two, telling them she would meet them in their house in 1 hour or so, that she had to meet her father in 30 minutes. Going back to the room they had just left.

Wren was still sitting on the desk, seeming occupied with some papers. Knocking on the door, Spencer got his attention. "Oh, Spencer, is it?" he asked, narrowing his eyes and smiling warmly at her.

"Uh, yeah, yeah." She smiled nervously and shifted in her place.

"Come in, come in!" He invited her, putting the papers away and focusing on her. Spencer felt even more nervous under his gaze. "Did you forget something?"

"Oh, no. No." she looked down, trying to find the courage to ask what she so desperately wanted to know. "You see, I'm a... close friend of Toby and I can't help but worry... I took mental notes of all the information you shared, but I have my own questions, if you wouldn't mind answering."

Wren nodded, motioning her to sit. "Of course, feel free to ask me anything you want to know," he smiled, "I understand you worry about your friend, Spencer, but I need you to know that these medications we're going to try on him are completely reliable."

Spencer shook her head, "It's not that... I mean, his sister told me some things about the last time he tried some of these medications, and it looks like he doesn't handle some of them well..." She started, wondering if she could share these informations with Wren. But then she decided that it was for Toby's own good, and that it wouldn't matter, nor hurt anyone if she knew more about the process, "He has nightmares, and they are hard on him..." she informed, and Wren nodded, "...and Hanna told me he got a bit uh, aggressive and... suicidal."

Wren could sense the fear in her voice, so he only shook his head, "Spencer, you need to relax. Toby was young when he started trying the medicines, so that must be part of the reason for him to get the side effects. It can be quite controlling. I don't know if it'll work out at first, but thankfully we have 3 different kinds of medications. Who knows, maybe one will work?" He tried comforting her, but he could see she wasn't getting convinced.

"But... but it scares me. It scares me what could happen to him. I don't know how he'll deal with all of this," she could feel the burning in her eyes, "I can't - I can't lose him."

Wren smiled sympathetically and stood up. Walking around the table, he put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "You won't, Spencer. It'll only help him. It'll probably be easier if you were with him at every step of this trial, though. Give him some comfort," when Spencer nodded, Wren smiled widely, "This is good for him, you know? Having friends who are willing to be with him in moments like these."

Spencer smiled gratefully and stood up, taking Wren's hand from her shoulder and squeezing it, "Thank you, Wren."

He squeezed her hand back, "You're welcome, Spencer. My wife had the same problem, so I'm what you'd call sympathetic." He winked playfully, and Spencer chuckled.

"Is she okay?" She asked curiously, wondering if there was hope, after all. When Wren only smiled widely and reached over them go grab a picture frame holding a picture of him holding a beautiful blonde woman, she felt a warm feeling in the pit of her stomach.

"She's radiant!" He exclaimed happily and Spencer could see the pride in her eyes, "She's 3 months along. We're hoping for a little girl."

Spencer smiled back at him, "I'm glad to hear that," Looking at the clock behind him, she sighed, "I have to get going. Thank you again, Wren. You were very helpful."

Wren smiled widely, "Any time."

When she was exiting the office, she heard, "Spencer?"

Turning around, she saw the man watching her with a soft smile, "It'll be okay."

Nodding and smiling at him, she couldn't help but feel hopeful. It would be okay.

Thinking back to the picture frame Wren had shown her, she wondered if someday it'd be her and Toby like that. Smiling softly, she left the hospital and walked towards the house she knew _he _was waiting for her.

And she couldn't feel more happy.

* * *

I KNOW YOU GUYS WERE THINKING ABOUT KILLING ME HAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA

See what I did there? He's **_marrieeeeeeeeeeeed._**

Isn't that a relief? Are you happy?

And what about Toby and his new medicines? Do you think it'll work out?

Tell me what you think on your reviews, pretty please with a cherry on top? :3

See you soon! xx


	5. Chapter 5

Finally I'm baaaaaaack! This chapter is mostly a filler, but still important. Now that Next in Line is over, I can fully concentrate on this one right now. I hope you like this chapter and I'll try to update it as fast as I can :)

Thank you for the feedback.

Enjoy! xx

* * *

_I want to reconcile the violence in your heart_

"How is he dealing?" Spencer asked Ashley in a low voice, not wanting to disturb the silence that the house was being graced with. Toby and Hanna were on the couch in front of them, Hanna, sitting comfortably with her back resting on the back of the couch, was watching a random reality show whilst Toby lay on the sofa, his head resting on the small pillow on his sister's lap. Hanna was playing with his hair and focusing on the TV.

She hadn't noticed Spencer yet, and for that Spencer was grateful. She wanted to have a talk with Ashley before she had to interact with the siblings, wanting to grasp as much information was possible.

Over the course of the week, Toby had been preparing himself to start with the medication, and his first dose was just on the prior day, and because Spencer had been busy with her father, she couldn't be there with him to know exactly how well he was dealing with everything.

"We didn't see any changes," Ashley sighed, looking at the scene in front of her with a small smile, "But it's only the first day and the first medication."

Spencer could only nod and smile softly at the hopeful tone in the woman's voice. She had grown to learn that Ashley cared deeply about her son, and she was glad that Toby had as much support as needed.

"Do you think it'll work?" She asked finally, watching as Hanna rolled her eyes at something that had been said on the TV and smiling as she looked at Toby with a small smile playing on her face.

She wished she had a relationship with her sister the way Hanna had with Toby. Anyone could see that Toby was Hanna's world, and vice-versa. Hanna would always smile softly while talking about her brother, and would never contain the pride in her voice when talking about him. She could see it in Toby, too. Toby would always talk about Hanna with a small smile, and would always chuckle softly to something Hanna had said or to something Hanna had done in the past. She loved watching them both interact and loved that they both cared deeply about each other, that they could understand what the other needed by just one single glance.

Her relationship with Melissa wasn't like that at all. She didn't hate her sister, but didn't like her either. Melissa had always been very competitive and always wanted to out-shine Spencer in some way. She felt hurt that her mom would always seem to pick sides and would never talk about Spencer the way she talked about Melissa – with the beaming, proud smile and the warm tone of voice.

It didn't really hurt when she was with her father, though. She felt happier and better than she had ever been when living in New York with her mother and sister now that she was with someone she truly cared and loved – her father.

Peter and Spencer had always gotten along better because they were pretty much the same person – they had the same likings and the same dislikes. They didn't like to talk much – they were comfortable with the silence. When they did talk, they were always in some kind of teasing banter and would never push each other too much. They were exactly what the other needed and that was enough.

"I can only hope," Ashley answered finally, if noticing that Spencer went away for a minute there, she didn't let on.

Spencer nodded, agreeing absently, still coming back from her day dream. Ashley, noticing that Toby was beginning to stir and that Hanna was now watching him intently, patted Spencer on the back and motioned her to make her presence known. "I'll be in the kitchen finishing up dinner." She whispered, and Spencer could only nod, watching Toby's movements.

"Hey," she heard Hanna say softly, and watched as Toby rubbed his eyes and stared up at his sister with a small smile, "Did you sleep well?" She asked, obviously trying to mask her concern.

Toby nodded, resting one hand on his chest and laid the back of his right hand on his eyes, breathing softly, "As usual. It hasn't changed yet," he sighed, making a movement to let her know he would be sitting up. Hanna helped him to move out of her hold and watched him intently.

"Do you think this is working?" She asked quietly, and Toby was about to answer when Spencer cleared her throat, not knowing what they were talking and wanting to be there for Toby.

Toby's eyes lightened up when he took sight of the brunette entering the room, and Hanna looked over her shoulder and grinned at Spencer. The brunette grinned back, walking into the room and sitting on the vacant chair by the side of the couch they were currently sitting on.

"Hey," she greeted, "How are you?"

Toby smiled softly at her, "I'm okay, Spence." When he felt Spencer and Hanna eyeing him curiously as if asking for more details, he added, "I… I should give it more time," he looked down, fidgeting with his shirt. This was something Hanna had filled Spencer in: Every time Toby started playing with his clothing while talking, it was because he was insecure or nervous about something, and wanted to distract his mind from the matter at hand and try to communicate his thoughts. "I'm willing to wait."

Spencer nodded, and Hanna inched up and kissed his cheek, "It'll work out, Bubbly." Spencer smiled at the nickname and Toby blushed at being called that in front of Spencer. Hanna had started calling him that when she was 5 and he was 7. Toby would always be playing by himself, lost in his own thoughts when a child. Being older than her for 2 years, she would always seek for his company and Toby could never deny her that. Their parents had shared many histories from the times when Hanna had only been born for a few months and slept all day on her pink crib, and they would come into the room to check on her and find Toby sitting by the crib, playing with his toys. Toby enjoyed the baby, because Hanna was quiet and didn't push him to talk.

When growing up, Hanna had figured out some of her brother's antics and respected that. She always defended him when kids were being mean to him in the playground, calling him a momma's boy and a freak.

_The nickname, "Bubbly", had been created when Toby and Hanna were sitting side by side one day at the porch of their house, them both holding deep red popsicles between their tiny fingers. Toby had been quiet and looking ahead while Hanna kicked around the few rocks that were in the porch. _

_Toby looked deep in thought and Hanna giggled at his expression. It was quite funny seeing her older brother looking so serious while eating the Popsicle. "Bubbly," she had said, smiling at him, "Do you want to play tag with me once we're done?" she asked, looking at him with hopeful green eyes. Toby looked down at her and nodded._

"_Okay," he muttered, and Hanna smiled widely. "Do you want to go first?" he asked shyly, still not used to talking._

_Nodding, Hanna laid her head on his small shoulder, "I love it when you talk, Bubbly." Toby smiled down at her._

"I hope so," he smiled down at her. Kissing her temple, he made her lay her head on his shoulder. Turning to Spencer, he asked curiously, "Are you staying for dinner?" His blue eyes were hopeful and Spencer couldn't help but smile.

"I was planning on."

"Hey, Spence, do you want to hang out a bit outside or something? I think Tobs needs a minute or two," Hanna eyed Toby and smiled softly at him when he nodded reluctantly, "We'll be back soon, Toby. You need to take a shower."

Standing up, Hanna held her hand for Spencer and the brunette took it, and they both headed out. Not before Spencer leaned down and deposited a kiss at the top of Toby's head.

* * *

"You see, Spencer, as his sister I kind of _need _to ask you this," Hanna paused, as if choosing her words, "Is there something happening between you and Toby?"

Spencer, who had been admiring a picture of a little Hanna and a little Toby on the porch of their house eating popsicles, looked up from the picture frame on Hanna's desk and looked at her questioningly. "What?"

Hanna rolled her eyes and sat down on her bed. "You know… I've never seen Toby so… happy. It's good for him and you and I both know why he's been acting like that."

"Why?" Spencer asked, trying to play dumb. Truth is, she cared about Toby more than a friend. She really did like him, because he was sweet, caring, talented… She could go on for days. But she knew about his difficulties and didn't want to make everything harder on him.

"Come on, Spencer. You changed his world." Hanna threw her hands in the air, "He's so in love with you!"

Spencer rolled her eyes, sitting down beside her friend. "No, he isn't. Come on, Han. Be serious about this. Your brother is going through a lot, and you know that a relationship would make everything harder for him. Besides, I'm his friend. He needs me."

"Why can't you be his girlfriend?" Hanna furrowed her eyebrows and crossed her arms, a sign of stubbornness Spencer hated a lot.

"Because it's not the right time, Han. Try to understand. Your brother needs me, but as his friend. He needs me to be there for him, nothing past that." Spencer reasoned, trying to convince herself more than anything.

"But do you like him?" Hanna pressed.

Spencer blushed, "What do you mean?"

"I mean it." Hanna rolled her eyes. "Do you 'like' him?"

"Yeah, I do." Spencer smiled, "That's why I'm doing this."

"That's all I need to know." Hanna smiled back.

* * *

"This is pretty." Spencer said, entering the room after staying in the doorway listening to Toby play one of his new songs. After a while Spencer had learned that Toby liked to write new piano songs every day. He would always bring something different.

The music, she learned, would vary according to his mood. It's a way he found to express himself and communicate about how he was feeling. Hanna said he started doing this when he was 10.

"Thanks." Toby said, his voice ever so soft and low. Spencer smiled at the sound. Walking towards the big shiny black piano, she mentioned towards the seat on his left in the bench. Toby nodded, she sat down.

"That's a new one, right? I've never heard you play this one before. I like it," Spencer smiled, reading the sheet paper. On the top of the page, she read only three letters. _SHB._

"SHB?"

Toby gulped, fiddling with the hem of his shirt, he shrugged with one shoulder, still not looking at her, "It's uh… the name of the song."

"What does it stand for?" She asked curiously, reading over the notes.

Toby made a nervous sound and shook his head quickly. Spencer looked up from the paper and watched in horror as Toby started having the so known panic attack.

Putting the paper quickly back where it was, she hugged him, putting his head over her shoulder and playing with his hair. Murmuring quietly on his ear, she consoled him.

"Shh… shh… It's okay. You're gonna be okay." She repeated over and over.

Toby had listened to that billions of times over his 17 years, but not once he had believed those words.

"You're gonna be okay, I'm here. _Don't fear, I'm here."_

She's here.

_Breathe in, breathe out._

I'll be okay.

_Breathe in, breathe out._

She's here.

_Breathe in, breathe out._

I'll be okay.

When Toby's breathing came to a normal pace again, Spencer un-wrapped him from her arms and stroked his cheek lovingly, gazing at his eyes in concern. "Are you feeling better?"

He nodded. "It's not finished yet." He murmured finally.

Spencer stared at him, confused, "What isn't?"

"SHB. It's not finished." He clarified, grabbing the sheet paper she had put it back where it once was and ran his eyes over it. Smiling softly to himself, he looked at her again. "Once it's done, I'll tell you what it means."

Nodding, Spencer smiled back. "I can't wait."

_Neither can I._


	6. Chapter 6

Sorry for the delay, won't do this again. Thanks for the feedback and the sweet messages! Hope you like it!

Disclaimer: Own nothing.

* * *

_I want to reconcile the violence in your heart_

Toby stared at the shiny piece of metal in front of him. The smooth surface called his attention, the shiny patterns making his mind twirl. _He would not give in._

Letting the water fall down his shoulders, making him see everything blurry for a short amount of time, Toby tried to focus on what was important.

Music.

Music was important. He let his mind wander back to the piano in his music room, where it stood victoriously in all its shiny glory. His guitar, his cherry red guitar that he cherished so much. His drums. He couldn't let music behind, not when he planned on following a career path with his so prized instruments.

His family.

His family was everything. His safety net; if he let himself give in, if he let himself go, he would destroy what that family is. His father, the man who did everything in order to give his family what it was needed, the man who protected and loved his family unconditionally, he would be destroyed if his son went away. Toby would never make his father proud the way he wants to. Of course, Tom had said billions of times that Toby made him proud each and every day, but it wasn't enough for Toby – he wanted to show his father he could fight against it, his disease. His mother, the loving, caring, kind woman that brought him to life and gave him everything he needed – Toby couldn't bear to hurt her in such a way. He could never in a million years leave everything behind. And lastly, but still of vital importance, Hanna. He couldn't even fathom the thought of leaving Hanna. The cheerful, kind girl who he loved so much, his best friend.

His friends.

He never had many friends; his disease never gave him the opportunity to socialize like he wished. But thankfully, these people who he had so much pride in calling best friends, these amazing people were brave and kind enough to face his difficult life and different habits, offering him what he never thought he would be able to have: friendship.

Spencer.

It may seem weird of him to put her into a separate thought, but it's not. Spencer is truly his safe place to land. The chocolate eyed girl who bared him from every single wall he had put up, who helped him through things he never thought he would have to face; the girl who never left his side ever since they met. That girl who gave him the opportunity to know something he never thought he would get the chance to: love.

She was the girl who showed him there was more to him than only his disease. The girl who presented him with the opportunities he didn't know he had.

Toby smiled widely, his distraction from the shiny piece of metal that lay on the corner of the shower not needed anymore.

He wouldn't give in.

Closing the water, he dried himself with his towel and grabbed the piece of metal. Eyeing it with a new found giddiness, he opened the trashcan and shoved it in, not giving it a second glance as he left the bathroom and entered his room.

Dressing himself, he made a note to talk to his father that it was time to talk to Dr. Kingston, since the first medicine showed some dark results that he would rather not have to face again.

As he left his room, his eyes caught with Hanna's room, the door opened and some pop-ish music playing. He could hear faint voices from in there, and his ears perked up with interest.

Would Spencer be there?

Walking towards the room, he stopped just before the wall beside the door, opposite Hanna and whoever else was in there's direction.

"_I mean, Andrew is cute and all but not really my type." _He heard Spencer saying. His interest perked up and he felt something in his belly growing and making him feel nauseous.

_What? Who is Andrew? Why is Spencer talking about this Andrew guy?_

"_What is your type then, Spence?" _Aria asked curiously and with somewhat a teasing voice and Toby frowned at that. Why would she be teasing her? It was a serious question! Doesn't she know how Toby was anxious to know that himself?

Would Spencer be describing him?

_"Spencer has a thing for shy outcast guys who like to play the piano and read those classical books…" _His sister teased.

Wait.

Hold up.

_"Hanna! I told you it wouldn't happen," _He heard Spencer exclaim, he wondered if she was talking about him and if she was smiling or blushing. He loved it when she blushed. "_Toby is a friend…"_

He frowned and felt a pang on his stomach.

This wasn't happening…

"_But you like him, right?" _Another voice insisted. He recognized it as Emily's.

He heard a groan, "_Of course I do, he's my best friend." _Spencer's voice replied.

Oh no, he was being friend zoned. He remembered that Caleb had said it was always bad if a girl you are into friend zoned you, almost as bad as finding out your grandma dancing to Timberlake's latest single. (About that Toby didn't ask much.)

"_But you like__** like**__him right?" _Aria insisted.

"_God, yes." _Spencer's voice came out muffled. Toby frowned, resisting the urge to peek a look at the scene to find out why. "_More than he could ever like me."_

What? That's impossible. Doesn't she know how much he longs to get rid of this problem he has so he can truly be deserving of her?

_"I doubt that's possible. Toby adores the floor you walk on." _Hanna said, her voice tingling with excitement.

Toby smiled at that. Of course his sister had noticed.

_"You guys are being ridiculous." _Spencer said and he could almost hear her rolling her eyes. _"He doesn't, and I'm done discussing this." _

_"Okay…" _Hanna sighed, _"But he does."_

_"Hanna!" _He heard Spencer exclaim and a loud thump and Hanna's cursing was followed, as if someone had tackled his sister to the floor.

Chuckling and deciding that he heard enough of the girly talk, he walked towards his father's study.

He hoped this medicine worked out; he had plans of showing the girl of his dreams just how much she was wrong.

"You know, girls are weird." Caleb said, sitting down on the couch and balancing his piece of pizza.

"What do you mean?" Ezra asked curiously from his spot beside Toby's father.

Toby eyed Caleb from his place at the couch and waited for the answer. Ever since earlier that day when he heard the talk the girls were having with Spencer, he decided he would look for some male insight on the girl's way of thinking so he could figure out how he would win Spencer over.

"Hanna told me she wanted me to come today so she could see me, but when I got to her bedroom's door to greet her, she and the other girls shooed me out of the room." Caleb shook his head, "I don't get them."

"Oh boy, it gets worse and worse by the time they start aging." Tom Cavanaugh said, entering the room and sitting on the couch. "Wait until they get pregnant and start asking you if they're fat. There's no way you'll get out of it sane. I would know, I've been through it twice." He winked at Toby.

"Does Mrs. Cavanaugh know you say these things about her behind her back?" A female voice asked, the voice teasing and humorous. Toby smiled instantly at the sound of Spencer's voice.

"Spencer!" Tom exclaimed, flushing and smiling sheepishly, "Well, you know…"

"Don't worry, I won't tell her." Spencer winked, "You might just want to give me some of that pizza you are eating though… I'm pretty hungry."

Tom was up in a second, "I'll be here in a minute. Anything for my kids." He winked at Spencer and walked towards the kitchen, chuckling along the way.

Spencer sat down by Toby's side and smiled at him, "What are you guys doing?"

"We were playing video-games." Toby answered quietly, playing with the hem of his shirt. Spencer nodded, grabbing a joystick that lay on the ground and throwing a glance at Ezra, who was now putting a new CD on.

"What are we playing?" Spencer asked.

Ezra eyed her skeptically, "You're playing?"

"Don't give me that crap, Ezra. You'll be crying in no time." Spencer warned, "I'm pretty good at this."

"Ezra is like the best at this game, Spencer." Caleb informed, "I doubt you will beat him on his own game."

Ezra nodded, smiling proudly and puffing out his chest. Spencer rolled her eyes, making Toby chuckle.

"Don't count on that, Ezra. You're acting like that because you've never played against me before."

Ezra raised both eyebrows. "You're on, Hastings."

And 20 minutes later, Spencer proved herself right.

Ezra lost.

And you know what? Boys are always saying that being beaten by a girl on video-games is pretty embarrassing, but Toby didn't mind this one bit – of course, he wasn't the one she had beaten up, but still – he thought it was pretty awesome that Spencer was good at video-games.

One more reason to win her over, he thought.

He would let her beat him on video-games anytime.


End file.
